South Park meets Eminem feat. Fight Club

Saturday, October 15, 2005

For Women

Now I have to admit that this is not very original, but it was too good not to publish... So here it goes:

For all women:

Learn to deal with the toilet seat. You're grown up girls, right? If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining that you left it down.

Anniversaries are not some tests for you to see if we are able find the perfect gift!

Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Deal with it.

Sundays = sports. It's like full moon or seasons changing. Leave it like that.

Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always sexier than short hair. One of the main reasons men fear marriage is because married women cut their hair and then they're stuck with her.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we won't be able to see things another way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let's get one thing straight: subtle hints don't work! usual hints don't work! strong hints don't work! Just ask!

Mark anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us in due time.

Most men have maximmum 3(yes, three) pair of shoes. What in the world makes you think we can help you choose which one of the 30 pairs you have will go with THAT dress?!

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers for almost any question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want us to help you solve it. For compasion go talk with your girlfriends.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Check the oil pressure. We dare you...

Whatever we said 6 moths ago is irrelevant. Actually, any comment we made is null and void after more than 7 days.

If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both. If you really know the best way to do it, do it yourself.

Whenever possible, say what you have to say during commercial breaks.

Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

Our relashionship will never be like it was in the first 2 months. Live with it. And stop complaining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.

We can't read your mind and we never will. Even so, it doesn't mean we don't care about you.

If we ask you what's wrong and you say "Nothing", we'll act as such. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth it.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer for, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Anything you wear is fine. Really.

Don't ask us what we are thinking of, unless you are prepared to talk sports, cars or computers.

We have enough clothes.

You have too many clothes.

It's neither our or your best interest to take tests together. Doesn't matter what kind of test.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I'll have to sleep on the couch tonight, but it's ok. It'll be like camping.

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